Happy Halloween

The costume that J-man is wearing is the same type of costume which frightened him terribly when he was 2 years old. He ran into older kids on the street and they made the costume "bleed" - he took one look at them, one look at me, and started bawling. Once we got home, he did not want me to open the door for any trick-or-treaters.
Now he is out scaring other kids....

Camping favorites

So, each member of Jman's scout den have an assignment for their pack paper to write a paragraph about their favorite thing about camping. He's going to write about roasting marshmallows. I thought I would write a paragraph about my favorite thing.
Waking up, just past sunrise, I zip open the tent,the cool mist still clings to the ground. All that can be heard are the birds and a squirrel or two. There is a scent in the air of dry decomposing leaves, and moist earth, and one more scent - the bitter acrid scent of coffee cooking over the warming morning fire. That first sip, scalding the roof of my mouth..I truly enjoy that part of camping.. and the fact that hubby gets up first to make it!

Doctor's visits

I got to spend all day (8:30 am - 3:30pm) at several doctors' offices today. Lucky me. Well, the first was a dentist (my teeth are good - no cavities or gingivitis) which was relatively quick, although the dental assistant was already saying how she had to work until 7pm and was not going to do any extra work...I feel bad for her clients at the end of the day.
Then off to the gynecologist - men, stop reading here - where I spent the rest of the day getting several parts of my body prodded, scanned and squashed. Unfortunately, chronic pain that I have been experiencing in my lower right quadrant was determined not to be the ovarian cyst I thought it was. In fact, the doctor said she could feel no inflammation...this was during the exam as I was crawling backwards off the table in pain. An ultrasound revealed nothing as well...so that leaves me with pain without a reason. I liked it better when I thought it was a cyst - it had a reason for existing...now it is a mystery.
Once I get all my test results back, we'll determine what the next step will be. I just love waiting for test results...

I finally said "no more"

I finally said "no more" to this fall festival thing. I got together with the PTO presidents and explained that I was unable to physically and mentally make it happen, that I was more than willing to continue helping out, but that I could not manage the whole thing by myself, not if they expected to have anything at the festival.

I tell you, once I spoke up I felt much better. This certainly was not worth my health. I know my limitations, I am not superwoman; but I also am not a quitter. It was very difficult to step up and say "I can't do it". However, they were very understanding about it and immediately stepped up to ask what they could do. I think the fact that my physical appearance gave its own story was a helpful tool .

fall festival

My son's school is having a fall festival, something I was roped into chairing. An event that normally takes months to plan, I get 1 month to plan it. It has so overwhelmed me that it is making me ill. Folks at work have sent me home early, because I look so bad. I've lost weight, my appetite, and have a knot in my stomach that effects me as soon as I think about going home.
I have no problem helping with it, but trying to organize it is beyond me - I am so over my head it is not funny.
The festival is Nov. 10 and I probably won't be blogging much until after that date - I won't have forgotten you, I will just be incredibly busy.

Come and gone

Well, our visitors came this weekend, without too much chaos; although one did miss his flight going out - the time had been changed from when he originally booked the flight. So, when he logged on iSunday morning to print his boarding pass for the afternoon, he was told that his plane was leaving in less than an hour and that he couldn't print his pass. This posed a wee bit of a problem, since with no traffic and breaking several speed limits, we live over a 1/2 hour from the airport. Luckily, we were able to get him on his way on a new flight without too much delay.

My father-in-law was not able to make it at all - his sciatic nerve was causing him trouble. He couldn't possibly sit for 4 hours on a plane. Well, he could but then he would not have been able to get off the plane and airlines frown upon that.

While our guests were here, we took in a ball game. My son has been to one other professional ball game, but that was 2 years ago and he was not interested at all. This year was a different story. once he figured out which team he wanted to root for, he was able to enjoy himself. The only problem he had was that the security guard kept standing in his line of vision of the big screen so Jman could not see the replays. I kept reminding him that if he watched the field, he would not have to see the replays - he is so used to seeing games televised that he had trouble with the concept that the game was right in front of him and that he did not need to watch it on a screen.

Although it was a "rushed" visit, it was good to see the family. I loved watching Jman bound with his great-uncle. Jman sees him maybe once every 2 years, so anytime together is precious time.

Visitors

Hmm...I've noticed something...it seems every time we have visitors due to arrive, hubby goes out of town the week before their arrival date. Now, I am sure it is not on purpose, since he does not set the date of the events he attends and the relatives don't contact us asking which dates they would like to come ( they contact us with the dates they are coming, and ask "is that OK?"); but it is an odd coincidence.
Our visitors are coming next weekend and hubby left today for his week long trip. This drives me crazy. I still have to work, but I also have to put the house into "visiting" status, which means: finally clearing those piles of papers that are on the tables, going through stacks of books, really noticing that Jman's toys have spread into every room and need to be picked up, getting new towels and sheets since ours have become rather worn since the last visit 3 years ago.
I also have to figure out where everyone will stay - instead of one at a time, the relatives come in groups. So father-in-law gets our bed (it's a sleep number one, so it will be good for his back), uncle gets the extra comfy futon (we bought it as an "extra bed for company"), cousin gets Jman's bed, and we sleep on the floor, which means finding an air mattress without a hole in it (seems that every time we bring out the mattress the day company visits, it has a hole - I'm testing it early this time).
Since they don't all come in at the same time on Friday (this includes hubby), I have to figure out how to pick them up and how to be home for the bus for Jman. There also happens to be a company luncheon that same day, partly being held in my honor, so I need to attend that too.
Plus I'll have to have a special dinner waiting for them...sigh...I'm tired just thinking about it all.

It will be nice to see everyone, I just hope I can relax long enough to enjoy seeing them!

Fall is here

Hooray! Fall has come to the central south of the US, which still means temps. in the low 90's but the air has dried out! Whoopee!!! We just spent the afternoon on a nice bike ride/run to the the park. I love this time of year (although I would like it better if our leaves changed colors). This is the time of year where I am most thankful for living here and for living in general. My mood perks up and I am impossibly cheerful - which tends to get on the nerves of some family members and coworkers..heheh.

Go-Karts

J-man and I went to race go-karts tonight; it was a blast. I wasn't sure how he would react - he does not like loud noises, and you have to admit that 5-10 lawnmower sized engines being raced does produce a bit of racket. Luckily, we were not on the adult track, but on the "junior" track. It was just 3 of us - the other person being one of my young co-workers who wanted an excuse to go to the race track.
J-man has never driven any vehicle before, so I was unsure as to if he would enjoy it. He went out of the starting block a little hesitantly, but got up his courage and maintained a steady speed for the whole race, getting stuck only once, and that time on a sharp turn. My co-worker and I raced around him and we could see the huge smile through the over-sized helmet he was wearing.
I'm glad I was able to be the "fun" parent tonight, that my son is still willing to share this kind of adventure with me.

Cancer

One of the events in my life that has thrown me for a loop is that my identical twin sister was just diagnosed with cervical cancer, and not the type caused by the HPV virus. It looks as though they will be able to treat it, but still...there are several reasons why this struck me hard, some selfish, some more obvious than others.
First, she is my sister, my twin. She is not allowed to get sick - I need her to stay alive so that if I need an organ transplant, I can have one of hers! Seriously, she's been through a lot and to have to go through this, it is not fair. Her medical insurance will not cover the surgery, since she has already exhausted it for the year due to other problems, so she will be in a financial bind, which, again, is not fair.
Second, she is a single mom with an almost-three-year-old. If something happens to her, I will have custody of him. How could I summarize her life for him? How would I ever be able to truly describe his mother? My point of view of our childhood is one of nemisises fighting each other - my memories are certainly slanted.
Plus, her son has a multitude of health problems, some of which they are still trying to get to the bottom of - would I be able to care for him sufficiently?
Third, she is my identical twin, we have the same genetic make-up and therefore suffer from the same ailments - is cancer in my near future too? True, this give me a "heads-up", but I'm not sure if I really can appreciate it. I think it's made me more paranoid than anything else - is that low grade fever I've had for the past week just a virus...or something else? My stress levels have increased, so I'm certainly not a pleasant person to be around, especially at work when dealing with one of my "smackazoid" co-workers. I recognize that I should not bring my personal problems to work with me, but I can't help it.
OK, enough self-pity for now. There are others who are not as lucky as we are, and do not have a support system to rely on. It's just tough to shake off the sadness.

Bad things come in threes

Sorry I have been negligent in my posting; my life has been preoccupied with a series of less-than-positive events. I may go into them at a later date, at this point I'm just trying to wrap my head around them.

One of the less serious ones is Jman's cholesterol. He had his yearly check-up, and my dear 9 year old's cholesterol levels are back through the roof. He has a history of high cholesterol but we had had them decreasing, and our hopes were that he would "grow out" of the bad cholesterol. Unfortunately, this is not true. His fasting Cholesterol levels: 211; TRI 66, LDL 139, HDL 59. Not good. Of course, the nurse spouts off about diet - but we've already changed our diets, eat leafy greens, fiberous foods, and lots of chicken. I'm at a loss as to why his levels increased this year. I don't want him on medication, but I also don't want him to have plaque-filled arteries as well.

Quote of the day

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.

- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

First day of school

J-man starts 4th grade today, and I have to admit, I didn't want him to go. I know that he is nervous about the 4th grade, since this year the focus is on writing, and he has a difficult time getting the creative stories he dreams up out of his head and onto the paper. His face telegraphs a look of resignation, of hopelessness, when he talks about the 4th grade. How I wish I could change that look. I've tried encouragement, I've tried just being his sounding block. Unfortunately, he has a mental block, which will not break, one that is stopping him from reaching his full potential. He believes he can not write; therefore, he is unable to write. Yet his imagination is wonderful - when he speaks his stories, they are full of detail and wonder.
We'll see how everything goes today. Hopefully his teacher will make a good impression. We haven't met her yet - she was out on "Meet the teacher" night. She had a legitimate excuse, but I would have felt better if I could have voiced my concerns for J to her.

Quote of the day

Planning is an unnatural process; it is much more fun to do something. The nicest thing about not planning is that failure comes as a complete surprise, rather than being preceded by a period of worry and depression.
(Sir John Harvey-Jones)

The truth about lasik

As promised, my experience with Lasik surgery. I won't go into detail as to what goes on in the pre-surgery appointments, other than they measure your eyes 3 different ways in order to ensure that the surgery is a success - they check cornea thickness, plot the shape of your eye and measure how far it dilates in an attempt to prevent the dreaded "halo" side effect. At this point I also received several pages of notes to read and sign off on, which basically explained all the possible complications and how I was messing with my eyes and that sight loss was a possibility (or at least this is what I got out of it).

3 days prior to the surgery, I started antibiotic eye drops to kill any germs that might be lurking in my eyes. This was the one medication I had to purchase, that was not part of the package. The doctor said no generic substitutions, so it did cost me $35. The day of surgery, I was told not to wear any make-up or perfume. The perfume fumes could alter the laser, which would be bad. The make-up could get into my newly operated on eyes. Right before I left for the doctor's office, I was to thoroughly scrub my face and use special eyelid scrubbing cloths to get rid of any dirt or debris.
As a note, at this time my anxiety level was starting to mount, as I HATE having anything near my eyes, one of the reasons I have worn glasses for 25 years.

Hubby, Jman and I drove to the doctor's office where I was quickly seen. The assistant briefed me on what I needed to do for after-care, giving me my little pouch containing steroid drops, artificial tears, sunglasses, tape and another copy of instructions on how often to use the medications. There were also 2 Valium, one for now and one for later. I took my Valium, she scrubbed my eyes again, put anesthetic drops in my eyes, put a surgery cap on my head and booties on my feet and lead me blindly to the laser room.

The laser room actually consisted of a seating area and another room with the actual laser in it. I waited in the seating room for a bit with 2 others (the doctor had 16 surgeries scheduled for that day), where we chatted nervously. It seems that the folks who wore contacts were not as nervous as I. The Valium was not kicking in as quickly as I had hoped; either that, or I had extremely high expectations for it.

Finally it was my turn. I was lead wobbling (guess the Valium was working) to the laser room, chatting nervously the entire time. I laid down on the table, with looks the same as an X-ray table, with lots of equipment to the side. The assistant put a cushion block under my knees, to make me more comfortable, and covered me with a blanket, since the room is kept very cold due to the heat coming off the machine. Then the doctor spoke to me, explaining what would happen. Their was an assistant there to literally hold my hand the entire time.

Then the hard part came - the assistants needed to put plastic shields in both my top lid and bottom lid to hold open my eye. The hands reaching toward my eyes started to spike my anxiety, and I started to panic a bit. At this point, hand holding woman calmed me down. The plastic shields did hurt as they were placed, but the worst was the speculum they used to push down and hold my eyeball in place. OWWWWWWW. This all took about 2 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. At this point I was thinking that maybe I did not want this surgery so much. They started up the laser and it hurt...not at all...it was like looking at twinkling lights on a Christmas tree. So easy.
The same thing was done to the left eye, although I didn't mind the shields as much when they put them in. In fact, the pain of the speculum surprised me since I had already forgotten about it from the first eye.
Once they finished, they had me sit up and read the clock-and I could! Amazingly, my vision was already better. Plastic shields were taped over my eyes to protect them and I was led back to a dark examining room. 15 minutes later the doctor came back to check on my progress. He wanted me to open my right eye first, but I couldn't - it just refused to move. I got the left one open, tears streaming down my face (a side effect that was expected) and finally got the right one open. Everything looked good.
Hubby drove us home, me in the front seat covering my face, whispering to them to stop talking, turn off the radio, just get me home. I believe that my nervous system was a bit overwhelmed at about this point and I could not tolerate any more external stimulation. It was very similar to my reaction to light and sound when I have a migraine.
We got home, I took the Valium, and slept the rest of the night. Well, I woke up once at 10pm to find Jman still awake in his room (hubby had to go back to work). I put him to bed then went back to bed myself.
The next day, I painfully pried off the eyeshields (the tape had stuck quite well to my skin, should have used baby oil to remove it) and drove myself the 45 minutes to the doctors. That's right, my eyesight was OK enough for me to drive, to see license plates clearly, to read road signs. I will admit that my eyes were tired by the time I got there, but still, I could see.

And that is about it. I had severe halos the first day post-op, but they have been slowly decreasing as has the dry eye syndrome. My next appointment is this Friday, where I shall see just exactly what my vision is. I truly think it is 20/20, but we shall see.

eyes have it

I went through with it, and I can see. The surgery itself is not painful, but the prep was. I currently am seeing words clearly with a soft light glow around all light sources (think of the photography studios attempt at romantic pictures or how television will sometimes do flashbacks). My eyes are tired and a bit light sensitive. The valium they provided was much needed. I no longer can see extreme details at 2 inches from my face - as the doctor explained it, that was called near sightedness, now I have normal sight. I will go into detail on the actual procedure at a later point in time, right now my eyes squinch up at the thought of it.
Good point of all this, besides the eyesight, no cooking for 2 days (particles could irritate my eyes0, no yard work for 2 weeks, and no lifting anything heavy for 2 weeks either.

the Talk

Yesterday I had just returned from helping a friend, when hubby came down the stairs, slumped into a chair and said "I talked to him, I did it, I had the talk".

The talk....the one that every parent knows they have to have but is reluctant to give, not because we think the child shouldn't have the information, but because he might ask a question we are not ready to answer.

J man is 9, and the youngest in his class. He rides the school bus, so we know he has had exposure to the topic, but we didn't know what he had heard and how accurate it was. So, hubby decided that before J enters 4th grade and notices how some of the girls are starting to look different that he had better have some indication as to what is going on.

I was not privy to the conversation, but it seems that J said that there were a few things that hubby said that he did not know about already. He didn't have any questions now, but I hope this opens up a dialogue and that he won't be afraid or embarrassed to ask us anything later on when the questions do come to him.

Although J was ready for the talk I don't think hubby was. I think I saw some new grey hairs too.

It's on for Thursday!

My surgery is scheduled for this upcoming Thursday, at 3 pm. Am I nervous? A wee bit, after all it is something that will affect my eyesight, either good or bad. I have a whole list of prep work to do before the operation (ie. antibiotic drops for the eyes a few days before surgery to clean out any nasty germs that are hiding, eyelid scrubbers, etc). Along with the pre-operation preparation there are rules for the day of surgery. I can not wear perfume or hairspray because the laser is sensitive that the fumes that emanate from them could through it off. I offered to not wear deodorant either, but was told they would rather I not come stinky!

Eyes

Tomorrow I find out whether or not I qualify for eye surgery - I'm a bit nervous. I've pinned my hopes to getting the surgery, but am a bit frightened about the actual surgery. It's not the results of the surgery, but the actual surgery that has me in a tizzy. I just don't know if I can physical take having my eyes held open as a laser slices the cornea. I won't put contacts in my eye, so the thought of having anything foreign in my eye makes my heart race. If I do get to go through with it, I'll ask for a sedative,

UPDATE: Looks like I am a good candidate. The doctor had me wear contacts for a day to see if my eyes dried out (a good indication for the possibility of that as a long time side-effect from the surgery). They didn't! I have one more appointment to go to before the actual surgery. I could have new sight within the next three weeks!

Wonder if it is on sale?

I was doing some grocery shopping today, when I noticed a little boy (4-6yo) that was away from his parents, behaving suspiciously. I soon found out why- I watched him give his older sister (8-9 yo) a devilish look, then pull an extra large wad of gum out of his mouth , and finally watched him fling it onto a shelf. He did not tuck it under the shelf, no, he threw it right next to the green olives. He then walked back to his mother.
So what did I do, you ask? I went over to the mother, simply stated, "Do you realize your son just threw a wad of gum onto the shelves?" Mom quickly replied that she did not and turned to talk to child. I walked off, but was still in the aisle with the offending gum.....where I was the only one for the next 5 minutes. She did not make her child clean it up nor did she clean it up herself! What is wrong with people today? Is there no personal responsibility? What kind of lesson does this teach the child?