One of the events in my life that has thrown me for a loop is that my identical twin sister was just diagnosed with cervical cancer, and not the type caused by the HPV virus. It looks as though they will be able to treat it, but still...there are several reasons why this struck me hard, some selfish, some more obvious than others.
First, she is my sister, my twin. She is not allowed to get sick - I need her to stay alive so that if I need an organ transplant, I can have one of hers! Seriously, she's been through a lot and to have to go through this, it is not fair. Her medical insurance will not cover the surgery, since she has already exhausted it for the year due to other problems, so she will be in a financial bind, which, again, is not fair.
Second, she is a single mom with an almost-three-year-old. If something happens to her, I will have custody of him. How could I summarize her life for him? How would I ever be able to truly describe his mother? My point of view of our childhood is one of nemisises fighting each other - my memories are certainly slanted.
Plus, her son has a multitude of health problems, some of which they are still trying to get to the bottom of - would I be able to care for him sufficiently?
Third, she is my identical twin, we have the same genetic make-up and therefore suffer from the same ailments - is cancer in my near future too? True, this give me a "heads-up", but I'm not sure if I really can appreciate it. I think it's made me more paranoid than anything else - is that low grade fever I've had for the past week just a virus...or something else? My stress levels have increased, so I'm certainly not a pleasant person to be around, especially at work when dealing with one of my "smackazoid" co-workers. I recognize that I should not bring my personal problems to work with me, but I can't help it.
OK, enough self-pity for now. There are others who are not as lucky as we are, and do not have a support system to rely on. It's just tough to shake off the sadness.
Help Me Hold My Feet to the Fire
1 day ago