I saw this on another website and just had to reprint it:
How many times have you heard the comment that "People have to take a test to drive a car, but anyone can be a parent?" A test is needed! And not one with a bunch of Bozo questions like 'How many servings of vegetables are required for a thirteen-year old female living in Michigan who walks 4.3 miles a day? No, this test will ask the REAL questions. Are you ready to find out if you have the right stuff to be a parent? Get those number two pencils ready. And let's keep our eyes on our own papers, people.
Section One -- Mathematics
For each problem, estimate the total number of times this phrase is used per parent per week. (2 points per question)
I don't care what the other kids get to do.
... and this time I really mean it
Somebody's going to get hurt doing that
See, I told you somebody was going to get hurt doing that
Now we're REALLY going to be late
One ... I'm counting ... two ... I'm counting ...
What were you thinking?
Because I'm the Mommy (Daddy)
Let's not discuss that at the dinner table
Why is your brother (sister) crying
It's time for you to go to bed
Okay ... but only five more minutes.
I'm gonna turn that computer off (or take it away)
Section Two -- Fill in the Blank
Write the correct word(s) in the blank(s). (3 points per question)
Tickle Me ____________.
The Berenstain _________.
Clifford, the Big _________ Dog.
Please won't you buy me a __________ __________?
Section Three -- Matching
Match each vocabulary word with its letter definition. (4 points per question).
A] Small bits of plastic designed to accentuate any style of carpeting.
B] Either a recreational device originally developed for hamsters, but since has been adapted for use by children in fast food restaurants OR that which is placed in ears when Letter "C" fails.
C] A pink substance which is usually a regular part of a toddler's diet.
D] A frozen food amazingly devoid of any nutritional value.
E] A disposable article of clothing which one swears will only be necessary for a few more weeks.
Section Four -- Problem Solving
Briefly describe the solution to each problem. (5 points per question)
It is 8:50 a.m. School starts at 9 a.m. Where are your car keys?
She says that he started it. He says she started it. Who's right?
You are attempting to go to the post office with two very large packages, two very small children, zero very close parking places, and one frazzled parent. How will you accomplish this?
At 7 p.m., you must be at dance class with Debbie, Cub Scouts with Carl, and soccer with Susie. Without any King Soloman maneuvers, how will this be done?
Section Five -- Essay
Answer the following question and defend your choice. (19 points)
Which of the 'Big "V's" has made a bigger contribution to parenting? Vacuum cleaners 'Velcro' or the VCR?