Friday, August 05, 2005

Monogamy

I was just reading how Kate Hudson (Goldie Hawn's daughter) does not believe that monogamy is a realistic goal in a marriage, and that if her husband Chris, who is the lead singer for the Black Crowes, cheated on her she would not want to know. She did state that she believed couples have the "power" to be monogamous and that she would not disrespect her husband by cheating on him.

Hmm.

I've often had this conversation with my girlfriends. If your husband cheated on you, would you want to know, or would it be best to never know; and if you cheated on him, would you tell or keep it a secret. This is actually a relevant question for my friends, since many of them have husbands who travel for weeks to months at a time, and some are still in the military, where deployments can make for lonely nights. I have a very good friend whose husband did cheat on her while he was on deployment and she found out about it by emails left on the computer. She confronted him (unfortunately, it is very common to find one of the couple in a military relationship being unfaithful). So every since, she has had that nagging feeling in the back of her head wheneve he goes away, not quite trusting him even though it has been over 5 years and he has been faithful since then.

With that thought in mind, I agree with Kate Hudson and would not ever want to know. As long as it was a "safe" encounter, it would not benefit me to know about it. True, there would obviously be something lacking in our relationship in order for him to feel the need to stray, and I would want to fix that, but I don't think finding out about an adulterous affair would help that. I have a long memory when it comes to injustices and slights I've experienced over the years. I would never be able to trust my spouse again if he did that and I would be forever suspicous when he worked late or was out of town.

Would I admit to an affair? I would probably feel the need to tell, since keeping secrets in my relationship is not something I can do easily, especially ones that are harmful to it, even though I know that it would be the end of my relationship. My sweetie is a very forgiving caring man, but there are somethings he would never tolerate and that is one of them. He has had experiences in the past that would make that sort of action unforgivable. Luckily, he doesn't have any need to worry.

We all have the "power" to be monogamous, it is just a matter of whether or not we choose to use it.

2 comments:

Earl said...

Dawn, you said "there would obviously be something lacking in our relationship in order for him to feel the need to stray". I think that's true.

If a spouse feels the need to stray there's something wrong. I do believe some people stray, not because they feel a need to do so, but because they don't value their marriage, and for various reasons. Some people don't appreciate the impact of infidelity, some don't value loyalty, some don't see that being faithful to one's spouse is an important way to show honor to one's spouse, and some aren't thinking at all, they are more like animals; just breeders.

Envoy-ette said...

Goodness. After spending 15 glorious years with Hubby...(the father of my children) I would probably forgive him if he was remorseful and didn't do it again. (although I would always remember it)

But the woman who bedded him...is TOAST!